The Kiss of Death |
You`ve met the most incredible girl. You don`t really know her,
but you`re pretty sure she`s a Goddess, sent straight from Heaven,
in jeans. You exchanged glances in Chemistry, had a few brief
conversations after class, and even bumped into her at the mall.
(Talk about fate.)
* You KNOW you want her. There`s no doubt about it. The question
now becomes, "Does she want you?" She smiles at you... but is it
a friendly or a flirtatious smile? You saw her leave with another
guy after class... was he her boyfriend? She flirted with you last
week, even touched your shoulder... then completely ignored you the
other day. Does she like you? How can you tell? You really need to
know this before you begin the "pursuit" don`t you?
* Perhaps the most common question posed on the Don Juan Discussion
Forum concerns "reading women" and trying to figure out whether they
like you or not. The poster usually describes his situation, what he
did, what she did, and then asks, "Does this mean she likes me?" Or,
"Does this mean she doesn`t like me?"
* Definitely a popular question. Definitely a question in need of
an answer.
* THE ANSWER -- Obsessing about a particular girl, and whether or
not she likes you, is the DON JUAN KISS OF DEATH!
* If you`re worrying about whether a girl likes you or not, chances
are she doesn`t - or rather, SHE WON`T. She won`t because your "worry"
and your obsession with what she thinks of you will actually push her
away.
* Let me clarify.
* When you let yourself fall into the "obsession" trap, you begin
to analyze everything your dream girl does, every word she says,
every move she makes... and try to relate them all to you. She
smiled at you - she didn`t smile at you. She emailed you - she
didn`t email you. She returned your call - she didn`t return your
call. Confusion, frustration, and anxiety result.
* This obsession with her behaviors and their meanings will paralyze
you, confuse you, and suck every ounce of confidence you have from
your body. You will become a Blithering Blob of Insecurity. And women,
in general, are not attracted to Blithering Blobs of Insecurity.
* So are you wrong to be confused by women? NO! Absolutely NO!
Women ARE confusing. Always have been and always will be. That`s
just the way they are. Especially when it comes to romance, women
seem totally inconsistent in their behaviors. One minute you`re
convinced you`re the man of her dreams, and the next she seems to
be unaware of your existence. One minute she`s flirting, and smiling,
and rubbing up against you, and the next minute she`s gone, left
without even saying "bye." You SHOULD be frustrated and confused!
* Now, no one knows exactly why women give off such mixed signals
and deliberately, it seems, attempt to confuse us. Some suspect
it`s those magazines they read. Others think it has to do with
the secret bathroom conferences they hold. Still others propose
that their illogical behaviors are due to the wacky hormones they
have surging throughout their bodies. The cause is relatively
unimportant. You just have to accept it, and plot your strategy to
deal with it.
*(I`m sure quite a few women are reading this and thinking that
men are the same way - completely inconsistent and confusing.
That may be true. But, hey, this isn`t The Donna Juana Newsletter.)
* So, given the inconsistencies of female romantic behavior, attempting
to "read" women and figure out what they`re thinking, is, at best, an
incredibly frustrating experience. So don`t do it. Don`t even attempt
it.
* Just say NO to "reading" women!
* Okay... well... if you don`t really try to "read" women to
determine whether they like you or not, then what do you do? What`s
your strategy? After all, they may be confusing, illogical, and somewhat
annoying, but you still wanna get you one.
* Simple: If you`re attracted to a girl, then just ASSUME she`s
attracted to you too. And ACT ACCORDINGLY.
* Assume that she likes you and would like to get to know you
better. Assume that she`s physically attracted to you. Assume
that YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES to attract such a lady, no matter
how incredible she seems. Assume the positive... always the
positive. Assuming the negative will kill any chances you might have
with her. (Pessimists,*my friend, are not "chick magnets.")
* Now there are many exciting benefits of adopting this attitude of
assuming
that women you like also like you... and treating them accordingly.
* For one, if you refuse to obsess about all the little "signs" she`s
giving you, whether they be good signs or bad signs, you will feel
more relaxed, calm, and confident. You won`t be "up" one minute
because she smiled at you, and "down" the next because she also smiled
at some other guy. Attempting to "read" her will only lead to
confusion,
frustration, and anxiety. And this will make you more tense when she`s
around, and thus, less likely to be the charming, charismatic Don Juan
that you`d like to be.
* And you won`t be wasting your time trying to figure out what she`s
thinking... trying to figure out what every little move means...
and where you stand. You`ll be able to devote your "mental time" to
something more useful and productive.
* Secondly, if you just assume that she likes you, then you will
actually increase the probability that she eventually WILL like
you. This is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy, and is a well-
documented phenomenon in psychological research.
* Basically what this means is that if you have a "she likes me"
attitude, then you`ll project positive, optimistic behaviors and
thoughts.*She`ll pick up on these and like you. If, on the other
hand, you have a "she doesn`t like me" attitude, you`ll project
negative, pessimistic behaviors and thoughts. She`ll, likewise,
pick up on these and like you less. And if you have a "does she
like me" attitude, then you`ll project tense, anxiety-ridden
behaviors and thoughts that will decrease the probability of her
liking you... or she may even find being around you to be an
"uncomfortable" experience. (Isn`t it easier to relax around people
who are relaxed themselves?)
* And third, the attitude of just assuming that she likes you,
rather than worrying about whether she does or not, allows you
to maintain control of the situation... and yourself. If you are
obsessing about the "signs" and allow the "signs" to control your
behaviors, thoughts, and emotions, then you have basically given
her complete control of the situation. And complete control over
you. If she`s "good" to you, you`re happy. If she`s "bad" to you,
you`re sad. If she wants to encourage you, she can throw out a
few positive signals. If she wants to discourage you, she can
throw out a few negative signals. You`re happiness is basically
under her control... whether she knows it or not. Not the position
that a "Don Juan" likes to be in.
* However, if you just assume that she likes you and treat her
accordingly, and refuse to be controlled by all the little signs
(especially the bad ones), you take charge of the situation. You
have decided that you like her. And you have decided that she likes
you... or will like you when she gets to know you better. And you
act accordingly. You exude confidence. You`re relaxed. And you project
that "aura" that every budding Don Juan searches for. (The poor girl
won`t stand a chance up against that aura.)
* Okay, so you agree that obsessing about a particular girl and whether
or not she likes you is not in your best interest. It will turn you
into a Blithering Blob of Insecurity, decrease the probability that
she will like you, and give her complete control over your happiness.
So what do you do when those thoughts start to take over your mind?
I mean, after all, she is a Goddess, right?
* Here`s one simple little mental trick that might help you. Whenever
the obsessive "does she like me" thoughts start to take over your mind,
even if they`re the "good" ones, mentally grab them with your hands,
throw them down on the floor, and step on them. Then remind yourself
that obsessing about her is not in your best interest, that it will
suck away your confidence, and actually decrease the probability that
you`ll eventually get her. At this point you want to take a deep breath...
smile... laugh... and think...
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